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Overheard at a computer store: When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk said he had some very good news for him. "Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!" "Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue
double-breasted thing?" the "That's the one!" That's great!" the manager cried, "I
thought we'd never get rid of that "Oh," the clerk replied, "after I sold the guy that suit, his #$&^ing guide dog bit me."
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Jokes of the Tropics & other Jokes
When we need a joke, we need it right away!! RIGHT??!!!?? We add new jokes all the time so sign up for the Joke Alert at the end of the page. Keep scrolling & reading !! Caution!!!These jokes are jokes from ordinary people just like you & me. You may not think some of these jokes are funny, but I'll guarantee that the people who sent them did!! Double Caution!!! This page contains Ethnic jokes. If you are not offended by these jokes, please read on. We have made every effort to represent all nationalities. If your nationality is not represented, feel lucky or send in a joke. If we can make fun of ourselves, we can make fun of others & they can make fun of us. What can be more precious than smiles & laughter, the vehicles of love? Send some out today!! A
Joke a Day Keeps the Doctor Away!!!
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Subject: THE TOP 50 OXYMORONS: |
Even though we can now explain differences between men and women's social conducts genetically (that's the best excuse I've heard for years), several facts remain puzzling. Distinguished professors in the field think answer may be a few centuries away yet ... for instance, can you explain why: > Men are biologically
incapable of letting a women light a barbecue. One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have
a problem!" All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger & faster
& more muscular than you. He'll be really good at fighting and kicking
a ball about & hunting fleet-footed ruminants, & not altogether
bad in the sack."
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Great
Places to
Stay in the
Florida Keys!!!
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That Mother Nature's best aphrodisiac is still a naked woman. That PMS is Mother Nature's way of telling you to get out of the house. That if she looks like your mother, run. That there are at least three sides to every story: his, hers, and the truth. Never to run away from a fight that you know you can win. That cats are evil and cannot be trusted. |
How to change the toilet paper, but to do so would ruin the game. Exactly how much gas is left in the tank and how far that gas will get them. That from time to time, is absolutely necessary to adjust oneself. That a woman will wear a low-cut dress and expect the man to stare at her cleavage. Men also know that the woman will get ticked off when they do, for reasons not totally clear to them. That the reason men don't like cats is because they don't know how to cook them. That there is no such thing as a sure thing, unless her name is Bambi... |
That men are from here, and women are from way the hell over there.
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From: nancy peters
"It's a guy
thing." "Can I help
with dinner?" "Uh huh,"
"Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear." "It would
take too long to explain." "We're going
to be late." "I was listening
to you. It's just that I have things on my mind." "That's interesting,
dear." "It's a really
good movie." "That's women's
work." "You know
how bad my memory is." "I was just
thinking about you, and got you these roses." "Oh, don't
fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal." The doctor asks his 85 year old patient how he's been.. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen
year old bride The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell
you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season.
But one day went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his
Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No." The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!" "That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear." "That's kind of what I'm getting at..." replied the doctor. A Brunette is walking down the middle of the railroad tracks repeating "21, 21, 21." A blonde asks her, "What are you doing?" Brunette replies, "Just having some fun." The blonde decides to join her repeating, 21, 21, 21. A train approaches and the brunette jumps out of the way and the blonde gets hit and killed by the train. The brunette returns to the track and continues walking along repeating "22, 22,22."
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Two old ladies were outside their nursing home having a smoke when started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking. Lady 1: 'What's that?' Lady 2: 'A condom.' Lady 1: 'Where'd you get it?' Lady 2: 'You can get them at any drugstore.' The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, in her 80s), The druggist fainted. |
Vet TaxMy friend tired of being a taxidermist after 15 years, and went to veterinary school. His new business never got off the ground so he decided to operate both his taxidermy and vet business together to save money. His new slogan was: "No Matter What Happens - You Get Your Cat Back!" An old Indian, standing on the corner. Good-lookin' woman passes by,
on The same happens several days in a row. Woman walks past, The Indian raises his hand, and says, "Chance!" Finally, one day, she can't ignore it any longer, stops, and asks, "You're an Indian, aren't you?" He nods. She says, "I always thought Indians said 'How!´ as a greeting. " Indian says, "Already know how, just want chance!" |
Fabulous Fishing Reports from the Florida Keys!!
In view of the merger mania which has hit business, the airlines, high
tech computer companies and the like, I give you a list of potential merger
possibilities. They are:
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WRONG NUMBER> > Leola Starling of Ribrock, Tenn., had a serious
telephone problem. But unlike most people she did something about it. |
Men are.........Men are like ... newborn babies Men are like ... vacuum cleaners Men are like ... soap operas Men are like ... old car tires Men are like ... coolers. Men are like ... chocolate bars. Men are like ... coffee
Catch the Big Ones with our Fishing Videos!
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Islamorada
Information
A couple, both age 67, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked,
"What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have
>> >sexual intercourse?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When >the
>> >couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with
the way >> >you have intercourse," and charged them $50.
>> >
>> >This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an
>> >appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor,
then >> >leave.
>> >
>> >Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying
to find >> >out?"
>> >
>> >The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything.
She's >married >> >and we can't go to her house. I'm married and
we can't go to my >house.
>> >The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it
here >> >for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare."
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Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the
insurance Susan told the insurance company, "We had that barn
insured for fifty The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute, Susan. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of what was insured and provide you with a new one of comparable worth." There was a long pause before Susan replied, "Then I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband." Florida Keys CyberSingles
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Some Great One Liners!!!! Helpful Tips To Make Life Simpler |
Florida
Keys Real
Estate for Sale The 100 year old man was having a big birthday party at his nursing home. A TV crew was there to interview the man on this special day. Reporter: Please tell our audience how you managed to live so long. Old Man: I don't ever drink. I never smoked, and I stayed away from wild women. Just then there was a loud shriek in the hall. The crew turned to see a nurse run by, followed by an agile looking older man with a foul smelling cigar in one hand and spilling what smelled like whisky from the glass in his other hand. He pauses for a moment, looks at the crowd and lets out a hardy "Hee, hee, HEE!" and continues the pursuit. Reporter: What was that all about?!? Old Man: Please excuse that, my father gets out of control sometimes.
Custom
License
Plate Tags - |
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PERFORMANCE APPRAISAL TERMS AND THEIR REAL MEANINGS Great Presentation Skills - Able to bullshit Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains." "So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest. The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week 'count', St. Peter?" "No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing." "In that case," says the second priest, "I've always
wanted to be a "So be it" says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears. A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them?" He asks. "The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult." "Why?" asketh the Lord. "He's on a snow tire, somewhere in North Dakota." |
Have an Extra-Specially Fun Time At Wal-Mart! |
Keep 'em coming.
Marilyn
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Q: Did you hear
about the "day after" pill for men?
The differences between a man and a woman
Wouldn't
you reather be fishing?? 
